Overwhelmed with homework and life, I finally did the most rational thing that I could do. I ran to Christ. He met me and blessed me. O, how beautiful to know Him.
Life is hard for me. It is hard for everyone, I know. But tonight I was feeling the heat. As usual, it was my inadequacies, my failures, my lack of control over my emotions. It was confusion and bewilderment. It was a few tears. I am not 'emo'. I am broken.
I spent an hour in Romans 5. I am now secure in my failures. Because I am standing in grace. I could be doing much better this semester. I could have been doing much better in prayer and quiet times. I could swear a little less. The list goes on and on.
Do not misunderstand. I am not complacent in my failures. But I am transitioning from an unhealthy bitter disappointment in myself to a better and more beautiful understanding of costly grace.
Where death reigned, grace reigns. I am standing in grace. I have the love of God poured out in myself through the Holy Spirit. I have joy in suffering because its for my betterment. I have peace because Christ kicked death's ass.
I desire to spend time with God because I love Him, not because I think it gains me any more grace. I pursue Christ because I want to be transformed to be more like Him, because I need Him, because He is life.
I want to love Christ with an undying love. By His grace, secured on the cross, I can love Him with an undying love.
Praise God.
Praise Him for eternity.
By grace I can and will.
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