Wednesday, February 17, 2010

2:28

It is 2:28AM. I have been studying Asperger Syndrome and Autism since 6:30PM. With one break. I am physically and emotionally drained... Yet I am also very excited. And intrigued. And very sorrowful.
I have just watched 3 documentaries about living with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder. The first one was from the perspective of mothers who are raising a child with Autism. These women were women who have forsaken their own personal happiness to devote their lives to caring for children who cannot relate to them, respond to them, can barely speak to them. Children who will never be able to function fully in society. These women are exhausted and despairing, some on the verge of hopelessness. Some whose husbands have left them. The divorce rate among marriages who have a child with Autism was quoted at being 80%. I cannot even imagine...
One woman was speaking of having a daughter who could not be put into the public school system because of the severity of her disorder. She said that she would rather drive herself and her daughter off of a bridge than deal with the school system. Another woman described a future for her son that was void of any lasting relationships. He would never marry, never have children. She wept as she described the feeling of being at a wedding and watching the mothers and sons dancing, knowing she would never have that opportunity with her own son. The hopelessness is heartbreaking.
The second documentary was about a middle aged man with Asperger Syndrome. He described what it was like to realize that people have emotions, something that he never experienced himself. He was egocentric, in that he just assumed that every other person existed the same way that he did- on a purely physical level. He only understood what could be seen, measured, touched, he did not understand what it was like to feel something. He stands at a zoo, watching the monkeys, observing that even they know how to respond to a fellow creature who is injured, they know how to care and have relationships. This does not come naturally to this man. He has to learn. He prefers crystals to people. Crystals have regularity and predictability... People do not.
The third documentary featured a 14 year old named Reuben. Reuben has an IQ of 154, only about 10 points less than Einstein. Yet he is terrified of crowds, struggles to shop for groceries, and is bullied because of his social ineptness. He is absolutely brilliant, but still manages to feel like an idiot when it comes to relating to people. He feels more empathy for a book that has been purchased and therefore has a sense of belonging than he does for a fellow person.
Within the Autism Spectrum Disorders there is great variation. There are those who are more cognitively disabled, and there are those who are Autistic Savants. For example, the real Rain Man: A man who can tell you all about the interstate systems that connect all of the cities in the USA, who can tell you within seconds of being asked how old Winston Churchill would be this year, and on what day of the week his birthday would fall, who can memorize the numbers of a phone book and what number belongs to who, who can read two pages in 7-8 seconds (one eye on each page) and retain 98% of what he just read... there is also Daniel Tammit who sees numbers with colors, textures, and personalities, who can remember thousands of the numbers in Pi. There is the man, who after being smashed in the head with a baseball bat, can recall the weather of any date since his accident, for example "August 10th of 1981 was a Wednesday, and it was overcast and cooler than usual"... It is mind blowing what the human mind can be capable of. Yet the genius doesn't come without cost. These men struggle to have relationships with people. They cannot understand human emotion. When they see a person smile or laugh, frown or cry, the neurons in their brain simply don't respond. What would it be like to lack emotion, to be surrounded by people that you can't relate to and understand, to be an alien? How terribly lonely it must be... Yet some of them don't even realize that they are alone.
How do you present the Gospel to a person who can't feel emotions? How can you make them understand their need for a personal relationship with God? They can't function relationally. It is overwhelming to me.
Yet there is hope for these people. And one way I have seen it happen is through the healing powers of animals.
As a young girl in middle school, one of my best friends was an old white horse who had been badly abused and abandoned. The connection I had with him was inexplicable. He needed me and I needed him, and there was something very healing found in that relationship. Children who are abused, who are unable to connect and relate to people, who have disorders of all kinds can find healing and acceptance with animals. In the case of Autism, take for example the story of Rowan. Rowan was severely autistic. By the age of six years old, he was not communicating, had no control over his bowel movements, and was prone to fits so intense he was compared to the exorcist. His life was radically changed after running right under the hooves of a hot tempered horse. Instead of trampling him to death as was expected, the horse dropped her head and instead displayed submission to Rowan. Rowan's father instantly sought permission from the horse's owner to let Rowan ride. As soon as Rowan was put on the horse's back, Rowan began to speak full sentences. He was instantaneously calmed. There was something about being on a horse, or holding a goat in his arms, or petting a reindeer, that soothed Rowan's troubled soul.
Children who are badly abused, who can't form bonds with people because of an attachment disorder, they can form bonds with animals. An animal, whether a horse, dog, cat, or goat, can provide a listening ear without any form of reproach or condemnation, a security that humans cannot offer.
To some it sounds bogus. But to anyone who has a beloved pet, it is certain that there is something about an animal that can be calming and comforting, that can offer hope and the feeling of being needed.
There is so much good that can come out of animal assisted therapy. Children can be aided physically by being around animals. Horseback riding can be used to strengthen children with cerebral palsy. The rocking motion of a horse's gait triggers something in the brain that encourages speech development. Children can build character though AAT. Having to care for an animal also teaches a child responsibility and gives them a certain feeling of ownership. Children can find emotional healing with AAT. They can talk to an animal without any fear of being judged, condemned, or shouted at. They can learn to trust something. And what a foundation for teaching them how to have a relationship and trust in other people, and perhaps, eventually, their Creator.
Animal Assisted Therapy and Equine Therapy can meet many needs for children with disabilities, but it cannot fulfill their spiritual needs. Perhaps it can be a means, but in itself it cannot show a child the love of Christ. And that is what excites me about my own role in working with kids through this kind of therapy. I would love to be able to minister to a family with a child who has a disability. I would love to just love them, and share with them the love that I have found in my relationship with God. I would be thrilled to be able to have any kind of connection with a child who finds it hard to relate to and understand other people. And even if they could not understand or engage with me in a relationship, I could still show love and reassurance.
The more that I study and learn about kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders, the more anxious I am to learn more and to get involved in the ministry that I have such a passion for. For now though, God does have me at Moody Bible Institute, and I know that it is with purpose. Although I sometimes wonder if it is the best school for me, God has miraculously brought and kept me here, so I am trying to not take advantage of the opportunity, and to learn what I can from the classes I do have... All the while God is refining and cultivating my heart for Him and for the children that He has created.

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