His voice shapes me. The gentle timbre wraps around me like a blanket, tucking me into the bed of emotions he has made for me.
I know he doesn't give a damn about me, but there is something about him that seduces me into his way of life. He isn't attractive, but he is appealing. He is careless and carefree and he seems to be enjoying the path he has chosen. I feel miserable in my own. Obedience is chafing. He jokes with me, teases me, and makes empty promises. I laugh, and I eat the promises up, hungering for more.
I question how far God would let me go into that kind of lifestyle before he intervened. I wonder if He would intervene at all, or deliver me into sin. The thoughts are dangerous, and I am almost grateful for distance between us. Yet sometimes the desire to give up being 'good' is so strong it chokes me.
I am struggling with school, with dealing with personal issues, with my relationship with God. I am only young once...
Why should I stick around for something I can't feel at the moment? When it is easier to surrender to self than fight the good fight. My scenery is kind of dull at the moment, repetitive and constricting. His scenery- well it looks a hell of a lot better.
(And alas, he is so deceitful.)
1 comment:
Think back to those times when you did get your way. Then when you got tired of the sin you realized you were lost, empty, miserable, and hopeless. Then God delivered you, he saved you. He gave you life and now you want to run back to death? Sadly, our new life isn't about us and we often forget that. "Walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh" Be active in chasing God and temptation will be left behind.
I remember a time when I didn't know why i was fighting anymore in fact i had probably given up by then. But i learned this: We continue to press on in the faith because the coming king, Jesus Christ, will return.(1 Cor 15:50-58). That is the truth and our only hope. Live it, breathe it, and believe it please.
Post a Comment