I just spent time and money on trying a radical new look. Well, maybe not too radical. But different. And it failed. I am kind of bummed. Well, not kind of bummed. Very bummed. I cut my hair just so I could dye the tips purple. And all it did was make the ends a very subtle shade darker. Oh well. It wasn't meant to be. But I now have purple thumbs. And spots on my neck that look disgustingly like hickeys. At least the hair cut is cute.
I am home again, enjoying temperatures that stirred a memory of what summer should actually feel like. How wonderful to escape the prolonged spring of Chicago to a place where my car overheats sitting in the drive thru at McDonald's.
The drive to my grandparents house from my parents takes you through nothing but country. I take US 136 out of Crawfordsville. The road goes past a small horse farm and then gently slopes into a woods and over Sugar Creek. The speed limit increases from 45 to 55 as you go down the hill. The road weaves easily through the trees, with curves you are supposed to take at 50. Its much better at at least 6o. Its one of my two favorites stretches of road. The trees trees are thick around it, and the gentle curves are fun to drive. As you approach Nucor Road, the trees fall away to your right, and there is a small field that dips slightly, planted with soybeans, and then corn. This particular field, bordered by the trees and the creek sometimes bears a shroud of mist towards the twilight hours. With the sun setting over the woods, the field glows a beautiful gold, with the tassels of the corn barely shuddering in a breeze. It is beautiful. I never thought there would be a day when I came to find the sunset over the corn fields of Indiana so breathtaking. Yet there have been many of those days this summer. Another favorite stretch of road is on Ladoga Road. There is a point where the road is straight, and very slightly hilly. It ends in a sharp curve over a creek and past another horse farm. Driving this stretch of road earlier today, between corn and bean fields, I love to put my arm out the window and just enjoy the speed, the sunset, the music playing, and the scenery.
I realized after my last blog that I am boring. If all I have to write about is my day at work, then I should probably not waste the time of the very few people who might be reading my blog. I have found that I am so frustrated about having my writing confronted. I now know specifically who my audience is, which is a little weird. I feel like now if I am too honest about what I am dealing with in my life that people will take offense. Its discouraging how much people hate and fear the truth sometimes. I am realizing more and more how offensive the truth can be.
Pardon me, but I am going to be a bit frank now. Speaking of offensive truth lets talk about A---. That is a truth that no one wants to hear. And those who have heard it are skeptical. Which leaves me with a mutilated reputation and a burden that I will have to bear until he admits what he has done. The whole situation has incurred such a swirl of emotions ranging all across the board. I have never had such unresolved tension. It has hardened my heart and is stirring a hatred within me that is hard to suppress. I dream about it often now. "A waking nightmare that is only worse when I am sleeping." I know though, that God is a just God, and that He will deal with the situation in His time and way. I know that He knows the truth and that His opinion of me is the only one that matters. I just really struggle with thinking that people that I look up to and admire may think of me as a liar, as someone who has serious issues. Only someone with serious issues would make the accusations that I have made with no foundation of truth. Alas, that is what I have been dealing with. My teenage angst has not passed since June, but merely been suppressed by unappreciative readers. How vague and moody I am feeling tonight. I assure you, there is always more to come.
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